helping out

Lucy and I had known each other for about 6 months which can be a long time on the streets. She was a working girl and I helped her out when needed, but primarily sponged off her earnings. At night we curled around each other like cats in a sunny window, with the heat being provided by the heroin in our blood. A form of nuturing in our world. More on that in another blog entry.

Early morning is often the 'time of being sick.' Withdrawal in its early moments wakes us up, and regret sets in for using our wake-up shot at 3AM. Time to hustle so Lucy goes out into the bright day, cringing in the light much like a vampire. I stay a distance away and wait while she goes to work. In what seems an eternity, she gets a trick and gets in his car. I head off to the alley she will take him to while she blows him or whatever he is into within reason.

The vehicle is where it is supposed to be and I see the trick's head laid back against the drivers' seat. Not a real mystery as to what is going on. About three minutes later I see the condom come out the passenger side window and Lucy's blonde curls reappear. Her door opens, the car starts up and it is now time to score.

Lucy walks up to me rubbing lip balm into her mouth. Apparently the chemical side of some condoms causes a reaction on many.

She grins at me. Still has great teeth.

"The John gave me a fifty. He was not going to wait for change", she said with a laugh.

I just nodded, the sickness starting to take hold.
"Let's cop".

Finding good heroin in this part of town is not hard. We got our works with us so head off to the local diner where the spoons are plastic. The place is full of old and young street alcoholics trying to hold their heads together and stop the shaking long enough to get some caffiene.

Lucy earned the money and I still have enough of what my parents raised me with to step back while she goes first. We order coffee and toast and she heads off to the Ladies. The order arrives but I will not be able to touch it until I fix. The sick is getting more intense and waiting is the worst of all.

Time ticks by and I tick within, as in like a bomb.

One more minute goes by. It has been about ten minutes now. Another minute, then 30 more seconds, then a few more and I am on my feet, driven by need.

I go into the Ladies without looking around and find what I was afraid of. Lucy is crumpled in one of the stalls, her arm showing under the door with a needle still in it.

I am not doing too much thinking at this point. My main goal is to find the heroin we bought and I force the door to the stall and quickly search for the drug. It is nowhere to be found and I know exactly where she has put it, but if someone comes in now and sees me with my fingers up Lucy's pussy they may not take it well. I remove the needle and see she is still bleeding from the punture so is probably alive. I flush the syringe and her bottle top she cooked up in and work at getting her up on the toilet.

I am not in the best shape at this point in my life so I struggle despite her concentration camp weight. Now upright, I pull up her panties and hoist her onto a shoulder. Walking through the diner does not elicit much comment from the diners or the Chinese staff. They could care less as long as we go.

The street is fairly crowded and I have 3 blocks to get back to our room. I start yelling at the overdosed woman on my back, letting the square-johns know all is well . I so not want a hero. I want to fix. NOW.

"You stupid bitch. I told you to stop drinking. I told you a million times but you never listen. What am I going to tell the kid when I get you home eh"?

On and on I rattle, praying to the gods of dope to get me safe at home.

Waliking into our hotel I glare at the desk clerk, giving him the clear message to mind his own and so on. He looks away, as it is that kind of place and I start up the stairs. We are on the second floor so soon we are back at the ranch.

Plopping Lucy on the bed I strip off her undies and use my index finger to fish out the balloon that contains the heroin. I am so afraid it will not be there or she used it all, but my luck is in. Pulling the treasure out I put the knot in my teeth and tear open the plastic, freeing the capsule within.

Shaking and sweating, I prepare my fix, glancing once at Lucy to see if she is coming around.

Fianlly I push the plunger down, finding a vein on my first attempt, and my day changes.

Warmth, pleasure and a sense of all being right spreads out like a wonderful gospel Good news.

I also find care and compassion for my partner and quickly clean up the place, then phone an ambulance, telling them and the cops who arrive shortly after that I foound her like this. They buy it because they do not care.

It takes about two minutes after they inject her with Narcon to when she wakes up, alive but in full withdrawal. The stuff is a miracle-sort of. Too bad about the sick part. They leave us alone and Lucy is shaking on the bed, getting ready to puke, shit or other charming signs of being without.

I tell her what happened. She looks hard at me and I smile. I leave the room, returning a minute later with a loaded syringe. I had kept some back in case, plus it was good stuff and after watching her fall out I was going to be careful.

I held the fix up and her white smile split her face wide open.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Thank you for this love. You are a true friend".

She's right and I feel good about myself all day or at least until the next need sets in.